The Buddha; Song of Enlightenment: Achieved is the End of Craving (64:13) Joseph Goldstein
An excellent site below
http://dharmaseed.org/talks/
Today I found myself listening to Goldstein's talk instead of cruising for hours for porn. on the Internet....it's easy to abuse the Internet; it's easy to loose our humanity and our feelings with the constant encroachment of technology. There's too much information!
Went to Rubin museum today with a friend...some lovely pieces and the company was fabu--I wish they had more of a historical overview of the art and more comments on the styles...the information provided next to the many of the pieces seemed more about the names than the styles of the works--sort of a mish mash...
Later went to Key Foods--before I went I did a "Protecting myself with light" meditation; some self-hypnosis therapy and a bit of a friendly chat therapy with neighbor "A"--we commiserated on summer street tension & violence; And the strange vortex of energy that clouds Key Foods at certain times of the day--of course violence can and does happen anywhere--it is always sad...
Key Foods had a murder several months ago--the stabbing of the two girls. A. was telling me his theory that there's such tension there because it's a Jewish owned store and almost all the employees there are Latin and they are resentful of the Jewish Owners. A. theorizes that most Latins hate Jews even more than Catholics. This is all opinion--it would be difficult to check any of these facts.
But tonight shopping was peaceful and went without incident; although the preparation to go there was intense. More like something from a comic monologue than an experience.
I think I am carrying good magic around today and tonight from the Rubin experience--and new found friend "K". Is there magic? How wonderful if there were to counteract all the ignorance and attitude that abounds in the big city.
Before at the Rubin we were in the bookstore were reading a book of Buddhist definitions and under "Enemies" the definition said "There's no such thing as enemies."
Amor & Gracias
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Be In the Light
Share light with the world....
This is a song now--
but it started out as a deep voice
in my mind at the end of a meditation
on stillness and the tiny
pin pricks of light
reflecting on a block
of cement support
of an empty bench
in front of Grant's Tomb
at approx. 2:45 a.m.,
Sunday 7-27-08
I can't WAIT to do this in Transfuser!
It's so damn grand, if I didn't believe in God
I would say that "my God in Me" was speaking;
or this could simply be part of a big
obsession I have with light
from living in a cave for some
30 odd years; like a mole
I walk on the street
responding more to the sun
than to any human walls
Goodnight Spirit of Joan Crawford,
living in moving images,
I savor you
This is a song now--
but it started out as a deep voice
in my mind at the end of a meditation
on stillness and the tiny
pin pricks of light
reflecting on a block
of cement support
of an empty bench
in front of Grant's Tomb
at approx. 2:45 a.m.,
Sunday 7-27-08
I can't WAIT to do this in Transfuser!
It's so damn grand, if I didn't believe in God
I would say that "my God in Me" was speaking;
or this could simply be part of a big
obsession I have with light
from living in a cave for some
30 odd years; like a mole
I walk on the street
responding more to the sun
than to any human walls
Goodnight Spirit of Joan Crawford,
living in moving images,
I savor you
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Endless Sleep and CHI--Ugliness-Beauty
7-27-08
There was only one deep suicidal thought today....and it was that the feeling of being so tired so that I imagined for a moment what it would be like to just sleep and never wake up--never feel that awful pain (CUE: violins here) --that loneliness-the up's and down---the constant war with everything and everybody everywhere....how nice that would be! Of course I'm being a major drama queen, but it's unhealthy to pretend I DON'T have these thoughts...
But isn't it possible to meditate and be free of suffering if only for a very short time?
I think so....
Great party tonight in Jersey...I didn't know anyone but one person there- a very likable DJ--and had successful communications with several people with the possibility of a deepening friendship with both DJ Michael Roselli and friend Ken--who is very into Buddhism. The latter and I are going to make a date to go to the Rubin; and one lady came up to me "FLO" and said "Who is that singing? I KNOW good music and that guy is good!" It was me jamming on some Beatport Tune "Free From Your Spell" aka F12 ha ha
It's here
New therapist is a good thing and going to church tomorrow--if nothing else than to practice socializing and perhaps making new friends. I don't believe in God, nor do I believe in love; but I do believe in some sort of hope; there's nothing wrong with thinking about death. What fool wouldn't welcome the release of death if life pain became intolerable. Sometimes we can escape the experience of painful thoughts by thinking beautiful ones--it's a great help if you are rich. Recovery is always easier with room service...
It's very important that I remember that when I'm feeling acute depressed and/or lonely than THESE FEELINGS TOO will pass; it's important to keep working on my project, my music, my exercise videos, my new video in particular---an idea about Loneliness called "Loneliness--the Silent Killer";
Then here is always the healthy activity of going out and actively pursuing Group Activities, Gay Tango, Church, Sailing Group
Then there's therapy---being completely honest with someone; and talking in particular about what's working well and talking about techniques I can employ to combat bouts of depression. I think part of the problem is that as I age I prefer to simply be left alone and allowing the feelings to pass--as opposed to actively going "out there" and entertaining myself while wearing a smile. Fake smiles are allowed....then it all come down to a choice--does one WANT to take action to get one's mind off the negative shit bouncing around endlessly inside one's brain--
--also taking intense exercise is very healthy---also orgasms---
so far I continue to have CHI that drives me on---it's all about CHI
Ahh--also a thought--porn addiction very strong right now; comes with the insecurity of lousy business, being in the city for the summer; etc. A pure and simple desire to do things that make me feel good and make the bad feelings go away. Some people say you should look at the bad feelings...thats true to a degree but the reason I threw out Tolle's "Power of Now Book" was that I saw too deeply into the moment and it was staring out of a shitty apartment in the East Village right smack into the corner of another shitty tenement made of brick; it's dangerous to radically accept the now if the now is butt fuck ugly...
Goodnight I love you--see you in the morning!
xxx
There was only one deep suicidal thought today....and it was that the feeling of being so tired so that I imagined for a moment what it would be like to just sleep and never wake up--never feel that awful pain (CUE: violins here) --that loneliness-the up's and down---the constant war with everything and everybody everywhere....how nice that would be! Of course I'm being a major drama queen, but it's unhealthy to pretend I DON'T have these thoughts...
But isn't it possible to meditate and be free of suffering if only for a very short time?
I think so....
Great party tonight in Jersey...I didn't know anyone but one person there- a very likable DJ--and had successful communications with several people with the possibility of a deepening friendship with both DJ Michael Roselli and friend Ken--who is very into Buddhism. The latter and I are going to make a date to go to the Rubin; and one lady came up to me "FLO" and said "Who is that singing? I KNOW good music and that guy is good!" It was me jamming on some Beatport Tune "Free From Your Spell" aka F12 ha ha
It's here
New therapist is a good thing and going to church tomorrow--if nothing else than to practice socializing and perhaps making new friends. I don't believe in God, nor do I believe in love; but I do believe in some sort of hope; there's nothing wrong with thinking about death. What fool wouldn't welcome the release of death if life pain became intolerable. Sometimes we can escape the experience of painful thoughts by thinking beautiful ones--it's a great help if you are rich. Recovery is always easier with room service...
It's very important that I remember that when I'm feeling acute depressed and/or lonely than THESE FEELINGS TOO will pass; it's important to keep working on my project, my music, my exercise videos, my new video in particular---an idea about Loneliness called "Loneliness--the Silent Killer";
Then here is always the healthy activity of going out and actively pursuing Group Activities, Gay Tango, Church, Sailing Group
Then there's therapy---being completely honest with someone; and talking in particular about what's working well and talking about techniques I can employ to combat bouts of depression. I think part of the problem is that as I age I prefer to simply be left alone and allowing the feelings to pass--as opposed to actively going "out there" and entertaining myself while wearing a smile. Fake smiles are allowed....then it all come down to a choice--does one WANT to take action to get one's mind off the negative shit bouncing around endlessly inside one's brain--
--also taking intense exercise is very healthy---also orgasms---
so far I continue to have CHI that drives me on---it's all about CHI
Ahh--also a thought--porn addiction very strong right now; comes with the insecurity of lousy business, being in the city for the summer; etc. A pure and simple desire to do things that make me feel good and make the bad feelings go away. Some people say you should look at the bad feelings...thats true to a degree but the reason I threw out Tolle's "Power of Now Book" was that I saw too deeply into the moment and it was staring out of a shitty apartment in the East Village right smack into the corner of another shitty tenement made of brick; it's dangerous to radically accept the now if the now is butt fuck ugly...
Goodnight I love you--see you in the morning!
xxx
Why I Live In NYC
It's always a challenge to live in NYC because of the expense and the concentration of people. It's also a gift to be able to live in one of the richest cultural capitals in the world.
When I'm blue, I can go to a movie or to a museum or to a church activity or (Gay) Tango dancing; there's no reason to just sit and obsess over being blue; further probably the major cure for depression is to take actions such as these...group activities are important such as church or synagogue functions; also volunteering is very very valuable in order to connect and make friends--hang out friends (or activity pals.
When I'm blue, I can go to a movie or to a museum or to a church activity or (Gay) Tango dancing; there's no reason to just sit and obsess over being blue; further probably the major cure for depression is to take actions such as these...group activities are important such as church or synagogue functions; also volunteering is very very valuable in order to connect and make friends--hang out friends (or activity pals.
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